Roses and Thorns
This past month has gone by slowly. I hate to admit that I've been irritable, homesick, cynical, and out of focus. The good news is that I'll be home for Christmas, and that God still hasn't given up on me.
Rumor has it that one may experience several different levels of culture shock over the course of living abroad. I think this must be true, as lately I’ve had to adjust to things that go beyond the practical routines of daily living. I’ve been getting really frustrated over a lot of miscommunications and differing expectations – with work, friends, social events, transportation, services – pretty much every part of life. While I understand that bizarre behavioral patterns observed by me, a foreigner, are typically no more than cultural differences, I still find myself stuck in a world of wondering what to say, how to act, and what to think in response to everything around me. I’ve found myself saying things like, “I am in complete shock that…!” and “I cannot believe that…!” Maybe that’s why some genius came along and labeled these feelings “culture shock”.
Despite these frustrations, I’m quite convinced that I am living out some of my wildest dreams of adventure, beauty, and the pursuit of God and life to the full. Every day amazing things happen that I had not expected upon waking that morning. Every day I get to spew off thoughts about some books, hang out with teenagers, and call it “teaching”. Every day I am surrounded by close friends at work and at home – friends to laugh with and cry with – making what would otherwise be a lonely journey one full of shared memories and experiences. And for the past 2 weeks, my good friend from ORU, Callie, has been visiting with us from Colorado to be here for our friend's wedding. This has been so wonderful!
Time after time, people here have offered their help and support, taken us out of the 4 walls of our house, and demonstrated the true meaning of hospitality. Sometimes a hug is all I need. Sometimes it's just a word of encouragement, telling me that I am welcome in this country, that I am making a difference. However, nothing comforts the pain of being away from my own country more than the simple act of someone opening up their home and inviting me to be a part of their family, to just sit at their table over a warm meal and watch them interact with and love each other. This has blessed me so much, that one time I broke down and cried right there in front of them all!
It may be difficult here, but did I mention that I’m living in a tropical paradise – that this winter I won’t have to scrape the snow off my car while wearing 6 layers of clothing and still feeling cold?! And what about the nights I’ve spent falling asleep to the sound of the ocean’s waves – and how every day I get to soak in the hot sun…Speaking of heat – I’m surrounded by volcanoes, and I got to swim in the lake of one yesterday!
Whenever we feel irritated at life - fed up with the things we hadn’t planned on happening - angry at whatever it was that ruined the picture we were trying to paint…we need to remember the good…we need to remember God. He is in control and not ourselves (which is a really, really good thing!).
So if you’re one of those who does have to scrape the snow off your car this season – be grateful that you have a car – cuz I don’t, and the loss of freedom hurts! We weren't designed to stare and glare at the thorns, though they may indeed cut deep - but we all know that the rose can't grow without a stem.
4 Comments:
Hi Ann!
What a lovely post - it's so good for us to remember the beauty in everything - I've moved around enough and left home enough that I now know someday, I will look back fondly on this moment. And so I try to enjoy it to its' fullest, like you are! I will be praying for you!
Elise (Kircher) Hooper
hey annert!
i'm so proud that you've followed your heart and you've gone on this long journey. God is pleased. Don't feel bad about your frustrations, your irritabilities and your homesickness...our weakest points become our greatest and "when life becomes more than you can stand, kneel"...and i know you have been faithful to doing so. one of lifes greatest achievments is touching a life......no paper you would be writing for a grad class, no day working at nordstrom, and certainly no complete comfort ever leads to a changed life....and nothing in this world can you bring with you to heaven but...a friend..a child you teach...a soul. don't ever feel like the things you do are not enough, are not making a difference, are just play...the relationships your forming are life changing and the children who i'm sure love you and look up to you are not just meeting a great woman, their meeting something new...their meeting someone with the heart of a God that they might not know. by seeing you and interacting with you and loving you they are loving that image of God they are seeing, and whether they realize it or not, whether you realize it or not, God is drawing them near to him as his sheep..through you..a human sheperd. stay faithful, you are wonderful, you are blessed, and God has given you a beautiful and hard job to do..but He knows you can pull through wonderfully, and so can i. i'm praying for you annnnnert! BFF!!!!
neeki
Ann,
Sad that it took me so long to read this. I know exactly how you feel as I've been going through some culture shock this year too. Who would have thought after 4 years plus I could go through it again? Sometimes I feel frustrated for others when I see the unredeemed parts of the culture hurting those who are a part of it, but mostly I feel frustrated for myself. After four years, learning the language and culture, doing countless things I don't want to do to be culturally appropriate I feel like the expectations are even higher than they were in the beginning. I guess my attitude is "I've given up a lot to be here, can't you cut me some slack?" Not very godly, I know. But I think their feeling is, "OK, you've had time to learn, just trying isn't going to cut it anymore." The hardest part is when my unintentional offense actually makes me a bad person in this culture. I feel like I know how to be a good person in my own culture, but in this culture I often look selfish, uncaring and foolish even when I worked hard to be caring, giving & wise. There are times when I think, "Thank goodness I won't be here forever and that I can someday go back to my own country where I'll be understood." It really makes me feel for those immigrants who will never go back to their own country and will live out their days feeling misunderstood. I don't think I could do it. Anyway, I don't have any answers to culture shock. If I come up with any brilliant and fool-proof solutions, I'll let you know.
Love you.
Oh my goodness! You look so grown up and beautiful! That is so awesome that you are getting to be where you are. I want to be in missions one day, but we'll see what the Lord has in store for me. For right now, I will be going to Ecuador for a medical mission trip over Spring break. I can't wait! I hope all is well. God bless.
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